My father has recently experienced sudden sensorineural hearing loss. One day, out of the blue, he just totally lost the hearing in one of his ears. This has disturbed him greatly and frankly who wouldn’t be a little upset.

The thing about it that’s making me very sad is that it seems to have changed him. I don’t know if it’s a permanent change or not, but he’s different. He’s normally a pretty feisty bastard but over the last few weeks he’s been somewhat soft, very kind, warm and I hate to say it, but almost sweet. If it weren’t brought on by the fear of death I would think it was fantastic. The conversations we’ve been having make me miss him so much.

Even though he’s only 72, I know it is because he sees this as a step toward the inevitable physical decline into death, a reminder that he’s in what he’d see as the last phase of life. My grandmother (his mother) was similar. I remember from the time she was in her 60’s until she finally died near 90, when I saw her and it was time to say goodbye she’d hug and kiss me, give me some piece of jewelry she had on and tell me it may be the last time we’d ever see each other. That’s about 30 years of predicting your death. Wow that must be exhausting, not to mention a strange burden to put into a child’s mind.

So I’m feeling a bit nostalgic and wishing I could travel back in time every now and then. I’m wishing I was laughing in the backyard being tossed around by my father and getting to ride on his shoulders.