There are many reasons I want the adoption to hurry up and just come to an end but the most important reason right at this moment is my health.

I think we’re all pretty certain that at least 85% of the problem I have with insomnia is due to the adoption. I’m having more frequent bouts with anxiety attacks and for the last three weeks or so, anything I eat makes me nauseous. In fact, the mere idea of eating is disturbing at times.

I keep wrenching my back and now I’m frequently doing something to knock the ribs out of alignment in my chest which causes serious pain and makes it difficult to breath at times. At least I have an excellent chiropractor, there’s something to be grateful for!

Not knowing when the “big event” may take place is unnerving to me, as is the fact that at the last minute the real mother can decide she wants to keep him. We have a million things to do in the house to get ready for him but I seem to be paralyzed and unable to begin. Sure, the chance she’ll want him back is small, but it exists and if I were to get the house all fixed up for him and then the adoption tanks, I think I’d snap. But somehow, we still have to do it, I have to suck it down.

Well, that’s it for today. The anxiety has been draining all of my creativity and I’ve had nothing to say for days now. See, there’s another reason this adoption needs to pick up the pace, if it goes on much longer my poor blog will become completely neglected. I even missed the self-portrait challenge this week, that bummed me out.

Oh well, I’m sure this will all be over soon enough, right? It’s going on four years of my life down the toilet and I’m ready for it to stop.